Psalms of Olúwalónimí

People are funny. It doesn't matter whatever ship we might be in, be it relationship or friendship, people will amuse you, because that's what we are-funny! Sometimes I wonder if it is worth the stress, if people are really worth it.  Everyone just has their head stuck somewhere-their ideal, and it doesn't really matter how much conversation you have had, or how long the journey had been, it doesn't always affect our different ways of seeing things. How come what you hear is me disparaging or discrediting your effort, when all I'm doing is clearly looking out for you?? You see? Funny. I'm here thinking you should breathe, and what you saw was me not appreciating your effort.  I bare my soul to you and what you think of me is I cannot keep friends or make connections. It's a different thing if you're asking questions, it's not like what you have noticed shouldn't be probed, but you have simply drawn conclusions, though you tell yourself you're...

The longing to speak laced with fear of misconception, and words falling short.... 

Dear diary, I know it's been a long time coming  And I know if you could talk, you'd literally scream 'finally!' lol.  Didn't mean not to talk about this, it's just been a lot of emotions put together and hurled at me... I staggered, didn't know where or how to start, But here, it's looking like I can finally talk about it.  6months ago, Dami asked me to marry him, yeah! You heard me. I was shocked too.  Before then, it's been 3years since we've been friendly. A lot had happened. From me dealing with my feelings for him to questioning the very base of our friendship, and questioning if we really were friends. I held off, I observed. I couldn't remember the things I liked, or maybe I did, but it just didn't make sense anymore. Are we friends, or ẹ̀gbọ́n and àbúrò? Why did I really tell him all those things at the time? They were clearly unnecessary.... Those were my thoughts and what I believed we should talk about. Instead, he played the ...

In recent times, I've been tired. Tired of the admonitions The fear of not matching up Tired of the need to be in people's good books Of the steady eyes waiting to see me get it wrong Of the ever ready claws waiting to tear me apart Of the wagging tongue always tearing me down, despite knowing next to nothing about me.  I'm just really tired of everything, except you.  But I digress. Every morning I wake up, tired but ready to follow, Like today... And tomorrow.  Because I love you Your purpose, and how I fit in is all I am after. And you've got to help this tired hands, cos I cannot do this by myself. ******* You see the eagerness in my gait whenever I visit and I'm about to leave, what you don't see though, is the heaviness in those feet, the fear in my heart and the ton of questions in my mind.  Everytime I have to leave you, alone, I hope and pray it isn't the last time we'd see...  I'm not the child you think I am I'm just sold out.... Thing...

The two sides It's seen in almost every thing we do Every interaction In the very big and important things And in the minute and trivial ones.  We often stay at either side of the fence Holding our positions  Which are mostly judgemental Heck! Sometimes even hurling insults at the person on the other side Disparaging their perspective  Belittling their effort When we could simply climb the fence to see the other's perspective.  Maybe it isn't that simple, but it'd definitely be worth it.  When you take someone in  It's easy to think they are a liability  Especially when it seems so.  It's easy to think they have no thoughts or clue, as to how you manage to run the house Pay the bills Give up your privacy Or even your way of doing things.  It's easy to think they don't consider things That they bring nothing to the table (as long as it's not money)  And the truth is no one can really handle your things the way you would.  Even when t...

So much joy.. It feels like fluid I can touch it Then pour it all over To make an art...or something. Oh the joy of uncovering! It comes from realising that you, my brother have yet a place in your heart for me. That you want to make things better. And oh I've longed for this day To tell my side of the story To tell how the test faced me To share my weakness Cos I know it's a test Heaven cabals knows how to do that so well. So a test came, It faced me in a way You in a way Dee in a way S in a way But I could see, he helped me see.. Past the offence And patiently wait for this day Thank you For uncovering; I could see how much of the brunt you had to bear I wasn't the only one after all I could see how a tiny 'i don't like it' snowballed into hostility... You bared your heart and mind And why the fuck can't I trust you again? Does love not cover all things? Have I not received this love? Are we not all broken and to be broken...

31?! Isn't God wonderful? Wasn't it just yesterday, when I was born?  Wasn't it just yesterday, when I took my first step?  I remember primary school days, when I barely had something to worry about. Then secondary school days, when I thought I was all grown. Lol... And then uni, how He picked me up and told me there was more to life, just as I had suspected. It's been one hell of a journey. One I wouldn't have any other way.  I just want to say thank you to an amazing, phenomenal and beautiful lady-me.  For yielding to Him For embracing the processes  For learning from the lessons For taking every stroke in good faith For not holding back For holding on For pushing through  For listening and making corrections For bearing the pain  For staying, through the confusions and plenty questions, even when it seemed answers would never come...  For bearing the onslaught...  I'm aware there are blindspots, Things to be checked or worked on,  Thi...