Psalms of Olúwalónimí

This time around For one, I had to question if it's a happy birthday I literally forgot my own birthday, Mad o! I felt not an ounce of happiness Every wish made me choke on my tears So much questions... I mean, weeks before then had been hell One minute I'm here, the next I'm there With so much questions What haven't I learnt? Why haven't I? When will I? How would I? This one was a horrible birthday. The day coming to an end brought so much relief. But I'm thankful still For the hand that keeps dusting the dross For the one who'd have me only be the best I can To the one who never leaves the one behind Cheers🍻

This life we've chosen Full of paradoxes They call you a liar, they say you have no integrity. But you know it's 'cos you do not own the life you have. Yet you do. Sometimes you say what you wish, and then do what you really wish Because what you really wish is what He wishes and would have you do. You gloat over what you could have done, but isn't that the whole point- 'could have' cos now there's a game changer. Sold out! Completely. You gave everything up for Him. And willingly so. This life ehn... Your sister is eyeing what you have You are eyeing what your brother has You think he has an edge cos of what he has She thinks people love you 'cos you have a cuter smile You want to pour yourself into service like he does She wants to be quiet like you are But you are you. He is he. She is she. And that's the only way it could have been To each one, his or her uniqueness The body cannot all be hands or ears The body can only be made of different parts...

I have more than a persuasion that there's something about you. First, in you I found this path- May 10 2013 It's why I adopted you as my birth month. I've swayed to the sound of you since then till now... May 2017 I went to camp... Got involved with 'the camp guy' And the rest of the story you know. May 2019 There was a spark between my brother and i- Before I could say jack, friendship turned close-up And it's been a long ride- from acknowledging, to trying channel it right. When 2020 heralded you All I could do was exclaim 'May!!!!!!' Little did I know I had more coming May 4th 2020, I was under the knife, again. I died. I literally finished. May it all make sense I can't wait Or Maybe I can. written May 2020.

"W e had the experience but missed the meaning. And the approach to the meaning restored the experience in another form" T.S Eliot. "Don't assume you've learnt a lesson until the test is restored... The test will come again. It will." Olu walonimi 2020 Your processes are tough Yet full of love For you don't stop till we really see what you're saying and then it changes us. Once, through mamora I thought that boundary would mean don't touch or have sex You brought shittu, heck! I still didn't get it- the attitude was you can come in but I'm not hanging legs. Yet it hurt. It did. Distance might have been the haven in mamora and shittu But what about the brother? What do I do with him? This feels like the lesson proper. Hurts, yet interesting... I've become a wreck but really what did I expect? Who will save me from this body of death? Lord, I've fucked up again, as always Please help me. Please This battle is real D...

Don't look at me like that.... Well, yea I know I rant a lot And I'm mostly incoherent I mean one minute I'm saying what the heck is 'close-up' all about, The next minute I'm saying please show me how SIN is at work in me And oh, how the fuck will I make sense of all these? I also know that you see everything; Oh, I know that you know even what I'm yet to say You see my excesses My worries and fears My doubts My questionsssssssssss...... My strength My weakness You see it all The vilest of me. So, fix me I pray Help me That my life be solely for you, in you, through you. Help my heart. Show me how to walk, talk, live, love, see Please fix me