Psalms of Olúwalónimí

I think I've had something of this sort up earlier, yet, here I am again saying you do not know me. You feel acquainted because you daily see my status on WhatsApp and IG stories... I laugh. But I get it. Truth is I'm not on my status. Heck! Half my thoughts doesn't even make it there. Lol You think you know me, because you've seen my stand on certain issues, or how I acted or reacted, it's understandable. What you can't see though is the struggle behind those actions.  Sometimes, behind a firm stance is a weeping heart, a heart that'd rather not but had to.  All you see is outward, have you seen inward? Some of us live there, we seem showy but nah! Chill bud! I'm not saying you can't... I'm saying you do not know me! 

How easy it is for people to forget I have a life. How convinient! Some days I shrug it off; it doesn't really matter. Other days I ponder on it all day. Its astounding, and funny and exasperating at the same time. You, you are the wife and mom. You definitely want to be seen as such, only, you handpick the responsibility that you are saddled with, even when it's clearly yours. Mad o! You could care less about the cooking, but you feel sidelined when another serves. Double mad o! You go out at will, with little or no regard for the one who takes over after you've left. I'm the one who has to plan ahead and ask permission to go out cos of the (your) kids. Now, that's mad o pro! You, you drop your kids without any heads up... 5-6 weeks straight, I'm supposed to look after 5 children. It's the no notice for me, and the assumption that I've got nothing to do. Ma what? Maaaad o! Who does the dishes when everyone leaves the plates and leaves in the morning? Wh...

More often than not, I question everything I do... I search my heart for the why..  And honestly, sometimes I'm just not sure.  But I've found that, through every feeling,  Every thought and weariness...  Times I'm misunderstood and misjudged,  Unheard and misheard,  I keep on keeping on I have questioned if it's fear or a need for validation  Or I just want to be seen and applauded  But I find all these not enough reason The only reason I have, really, is God It's the only reason big enough To push me through my tiredness, doubts and fears........