Psalms of Olúwalónimí

I'm humbled I dunno how to walk this road I have tried a couple of times And each time, fear winks at me Calls my name, raises it palm to do me a high-five I shudder; what should I say, what shouldn't I? What should I do, what shouldn't I? But I want to be true...I really do So what could the fear be? Fear of being true? Fear of not speaking up enough? Or I already expect a backlash...sigh I throw myself at your feet Exchanging my fears for sound mind May your grace cover my lapse As you hold me by the hand each step of the way...

Ground zero. More and more, I feel empty. Everything I thought was at the tip of my fingers, I question. Over again, I'm asking... Why do I do the things I do? The sewing.. The writing.. The music.. And all that's in between. I don't seem to remember much.. To play the keyboard sef has been war. Am I sure of what I know? And if I know, who enables me?

Everything is crashing in. So much to do So much to learn So much is expected And it feels like there's a little time But isn't that the lesson? That through the wringing and stretching we learn to walk... Yielding totally to Him. Broken yet useful. He enables, And every little step further is a victory. I won't crash. I breathe. I forge on. I pray peace. I find peace.

You didn't start off like this, Not this way You were way bigger But grew lean... In the face of crises Where it seemed like nothing is working  The prayers The study The time The love and sacrifice... Nothing.. I look at the much I still dunno and I shudder... What about fending for me? Don't even go there.. That has been but an impossible task And someone says I should not worry..  Re-a-lly? But you, my tiny hope Faint, but cause my face to split with smile The few times I'm able to touch you. That smile quickly fades in the face of 'now' But I ask, are you the Hope against hope?

I feel like an open sore. Every now and then. Maybe I'm a little too proud, humble, smart, daft, unserious....I dunno You joke to ratify my inadequacies, and what you dunno (or maybe you do) is how much it stabs me. I feel...like I'm living the life of another And you do not bat an eye Will your argument be "you dunno"? I'm chocked by this life of lack As much as I try not to feel too pumped up to ask I'm like 'shey na like this I go dey dey?' Things don't add up.  I feel numb So much that I couldn't even feel my words around me. But when I hear or sing THE NAME and THE WORD, I feel alright But I'm back here. Right now, I am.

I am a mirror. A mirror of you. And you. It suffice to say whatever I see in me can manifest in you, And we can flip it. I can look all perfect on the outside, You can look all aligned on the outside, But what lies within is the true reflection. We are of same stock. The matrix has us...till we yield to Him.

They say it's a new year I retort, how so? what's new? they say it's 2019, I say its calendar, they say its the principle of time I say time is an illusion. An illusion created by the mind and within the confines of the same. have you seen the worktable as opposed the timetable? so we create new year resolutions every other year, but how many of it is in the sphere of the workings the maker? how many of it can we really make happen on our own? can you see that divine input is what makes all the difference? You think only in respect to time, but have you seen Manifest? did you see, that though Cal and Olive were born together, it didn't matter when the law of place took its course? You think the second day in Genesis was after 24hours? really? you think we can define time to the one who does what he pleases, how he pleases, just to please himself? I smile. But who says no to any reason to stay off work and eat extra plates of sumptuous meal? so...