Psalms of Olúwalónimí

You are true. And because I'm just like you; I'm as true... I look within and marvel at your strength in me. It gives me joy. I'm proud to be a heir. The strength to undermine self. The strength to own my flaws; not to shroud my mistakes with excuses or the flaws of others. The strength to accept the apology I never received. The strength to choose to see you behind every scene. To choose to follow with eager feet while groping. To lift my head high even when people are puzzled. To live alone in the crowd. To hold on to you when everything is screaming otherwise. Oh! Such strength; you, you are true. And when I allow my self into the other zone; When I want to be human because I feel I've been strong for too long; When I bury my head and allow logic to becloud me... When I cry because sometimes strength comes in liquid... I cannot but laugh it off because your joy is indeed my strength!

Downcasted... I just want to cry On a day like this, I want so badly to know why you happened in the first place. I see where your coming taught me to be wary of emotions, and how much I still have to learn. Yet, why do I feel that doesn't answer my question; why did I ever meet you? I want to know, badly. I can't seem to forget the things that convinced me in the first place. Were they true Or Was I so wrong? And if I'm being stupid, I beg to be allowed for the meantime; can I be human? Above all, I know there is a bigger picture that's not to be forgotten...

25. Oh well, for the records. Even 4years here will not matter if I do not learn how to make it matter. Little wonder there was nothing to celebrate. Life? Yes, I'm always grateful for that. I've fought to be called by a name but I guess I've spent too much time dwelling on that. Back to scratch. It's time to be sown again To learn anew, all I thought I've learned. To bridge the gap between my spirit and my mind; to gain understanding of the secret I suspect. Poor am I.

I'm learning that with You there can't be mixtures. Be all in or get all out. I'm a prisoner of my emotions. I invested my emotions on mere speculations-things that look like it. My heart stays on You but my mind reasoned- " there must be something, we can't just gel like that. What if... What if... What if... " But even if I was right, how was I to determine how things will go? There can't be mixtures. My feelings can't be a basis. I'd miss you. Very much so. Your mind. How you can read my thoughts before I let them out. Your wits. Your calmness. Your gestures. I didn't even know I was holding you, till I sat to take stock of how worried I become when you didn't reach out, how much I longed to hear from you, to hear you smile and be sarcastic. But really, am I not doing to you what the other did to me? So I'm not different. The difference really is this light and with it, I need to stay. so these things can...

I have a feeling A very persuasive one That some time from now I would look at my epistles and laugh at my ignorance. Maybe not ignorance But how much my mind did not grasp the content of my spirit. Maybe... I have words for my convictions, But sometimes my mind still questions these thoughts of mine I seldom cannot trace how the thoughts came to be. They are like the things I feel but cannot see; close yet far... So I can only wonder Why then is the kettle whistling If the water isn't boiling I await answers One day. By and by Till then..

In the past two months and more I have wondered; What exactly this is about Why so much attraction What have you that another hasn't.. I think I found it-more than a thought It's no doubt that you are different A beautiful soul One above par A notch above norm You have a sense of quality But will you pursue quality with full throttle? I hope. And here I am Doing all to make you see. Touch, Feel, Follow Unravel and become Heck! I'm subtly showing you, how much your potentials can become reality.. But I doubt if you see what I see And my bad too- how was smooching you supposed to help. My bad really. My bad. I don't even need you to be a boo. I don't have to be your bae. But can you see? I'm learning to calm down For only God can work dissatisfaction- One cannot be cajoled- you've got to want to have it. And if this is not destiny Why flogging it? So, you like me...ok. You want to be with me...ok too. But let's wait till yo...

Broken. Weary. The same cycle The same words The same admonishments And I wonder Will this not end? I am tired of me But I guess you are showing me different things with one thing. Year before, I basked in the euphoria of the moment Having broken free from the voice that says I'm nothing without him. But you have your way of breaking me. I forgot faith I allowed logic My mind reasoned And reasoning is opposed to faith I swerved I broke But my heart is fixated on you You looked upon me with love and mercy And you shined your light again with the tip of your finger, Leading me aright I will be damned to trade this love. Oh, how grateful I am Walking with you has been nothing short of bliss Even when it doesn't seem like it You, My love, are altogether lovely. And every time I sit to think All I can say is This love! This love!! Wonderful wonder With you there is joy unending My worries can't compare. Your life is love And your love is full of...