Psalms of Olúwalónimí

Until i am bereft of previous perception And learn anew, Until i can see these things And pictures pop up when i try to use them Until it moves from my spirit and my mind sees it, And my life speaks it And i become it... I know nothing!

Today is one of such... When I feel like a size of a mole Unloved.. Not deserving... I feel like i lack all the care and benefits of being a child. Even here some are considered more important; Their whimper sounds louder than my wailing. And their laughter overshadows my noisy silence.. I Feel like I'm trying too hard to be seen and heard To be loved.. Nothing i do seems​ right. I'm odd.. Just odd. And if all these is mere feelings, can i atleast be human?

There is no fellowship without​ fellow- the ability to see that i can take your state and you, mine. Oneness can only be possible when we see ourselves as one Not better than the other. It is the rhythm of the dancer That gives the poet life It is the spirit of the poet That give the soldier strength to fight It is the fire of the young ones It is the wisdom of the old It is the story of the poor man That's needing to be told...

Herein lie my excesses The vilest of me My space For so long, i have hidden Erecting a wall A barrier to worship and fellowship. Beyond here is a facade Where i fake orgasm And act like i don't want more Where i second guess my quest Chiding myself And finding solace in my space No more! No more hiding I grope you Let's blend Let's walk like lovers would do Come in Touch my flaws and frailties See the filth i try to hide..See I'm darn sure you'd​ love me anyways And you'd wash me when you cum Let your space be my space I open to you Invade my space Now and forever.

Lying here Feeling like a tiny dot Unnoticed And wondering If it was more than being human Of which i didn't plan Could it be my thoughts Or you've actually overlooked me I strongly hold on to the latter Except, of course you prove me wrong And I cant wait for you to do that. Your random laughs and chit chats will make no difference If you refuse to look into my heart and perceive my spirit I've been here, And I dread to ever be here again But, apparently it wasn't enough I just wish you could see my heart And know that I miss you lottle Those words of endearment and little gestures mean so much Though, I've been a macho I wish i wasn't I can only hope now And hope that it's not too long Before your eyes light up at me again And I feel like a daughter To love and to hold And know that my mistakes don't define me, Or make me less than who I can be. I hope... Till then I miss you... Lottle!

I erred I did the exact opposite of what you wanted me to do I was human; my emotions came through I made it about the tool, when i should have made it about you My fears got the better of me when i should have sought your mind I buried my head in fear when i should have turned to look The hurt of the past clouded it all I'm sorry Love, very much so. I've been sad and a tad depressed Sinking in the wish to have done it right Wailing over spilled milk Disappointed in how i couldn't gloat about being righteous But again, i find pride setting boundaries Boundaries that will deter me from looking pass the wrong and focusing on the extra. I break free from the lust of righteousness It wouldn't matter if i go wrong It should rather make me better You can make the mess a message And make my eye single That's all i pray. So i asked for the extras from this extra Just like that of my academics It gained me the art of tailoring And the time to be for...

Life is in phases. I call it the high and the low. You are high, when you get what you want at the time you want it When circumstances conspire to allow you flaunt your strengths. When you get more than a clap for your victories. You could gloat on how you did it and bask in all the attention, affection and praises... But the tide turns And it's time to sow That which you have received Time to prove That which you have been accorded Time to be reprimanded Time to be overlooked Time to be bare Time to be low You are not hated Life is a package A total one at that The high and the low One without the other will make it less than life Because life is a teacher, taking us through the different phases of it. You master the art of living when you can deal equally with either phase. Brother Paul said I have learned to be content. He said I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me. Have you received the strength to live the low as much as you do the high? ...