Psalms of Olúwalónimí

Offenses have a way of fueling reactions, but most times actions are better than reactions. You'd react based on what you are seeing now; the hurt or in other cases joy. I tell you, it wouldn't last. The hurt will go. The offense will dissipate. The irritation will vanish. And then you'd be left with how you got there. How did you arrive at that decision?  your works will be tested by fire. So if it was never about him, Well..... If you have to make a decision, make it! drawing your thoughts from His will, if you make it about the offense, you'd grow weary. Then, what happens?

What would it matter if I show you all the affection, though I haven't seen His love? What would it mean if all I have to offer is of me? If my thoughts and actions stem from my will Will it matter? Will it not fade away with the night? He teaches me how to love. From Him I derive my being, It wouldn't matter if you are offended or astonished He is not readily understood. Yet, I seek Him; His will. His purpose. Hence, the 'AS' Principle... I do the things I see Him do. What I receive I give; I love the way he loves me, I teach the way he teaches me, Whatever I bring to the table; I got from him. It doesn't have to fit in to your range of reasoning, It defies logic. So don't sweat, don't break one in trying to understand me, You will have to look at Him to see me, But if you can't, too bad.

I feel too. Really I do. You think I'm so mean and heartless? Well, I ain't. No self eulogy intended. Just fact. Fact it is. But, how can I deny the convictions of my heart? This thing that stares at me and my heart endorsed as ideal, how can I look past or act like I didn't see it. If only you saw that, I tried to strip and open my all to you, but you preferred an acquaintance with the cloaked me; I tried to show all my frailties and imperfections, but you preferred an illusion of the perfect one. My dear, if only you saw that all I did was to encourage you to love yourself so much so, that you can know how to love another, but then I was the ungrateful one. Though I can't do this anymore, I wish you the best, I want to see you do good. I hope that one day you'd realise that I meant no harm, after all, and that you find strength and wisdom to wade the storm. With love, From me.

I embrace this disfiguration. I embrace the scars, I don't care if he strips me of all the comfort, He has a better plan. He always does. You look at me and all you could say is "haggard and stressed" Well, yea, but then I know what I'm paying for. You obviously don't see. Cos how could you see past your offences and selfish desires. You say I need you to survive. Haven't you heard I am everything without You? Wait, did you look up, I mean didn't you read in my name that 'He owns me'?. You could gloat about how you'd have helped, but bros seriously, who you epp? I'd give my all and more for this eternal life. I'd go lean for it, broke for it, tattered for it. You may see me struggle but you will never see me quit. wait, just wait. I have been sent, I'd come back seeing. I doubt if you can stand it. Hell no! If you can't stand the ugliness, how would you the beauty? But, regardless of you, He'd make me beauti...

I once rode on the wings of emotion, it felt so sweet; a beautiful drive, It makes you confess what you know next to nothing about, It makes you feel like the best you can have is here... It nudges you to make a decision, as if it was ever designed for that. I once rode on the wings of emotion, when I had to make a decision, it fuelled it and made it an easy one. Hahahaha! The anger laced with irritation made the statement "I'm done" a very easy one to make. The euphoria; excitement and all, drives you and you wouldn't notice the bump. But now, I have been stripped, stripped of all. I'm in a place where decisions are made while putting emotions on hold.. It was never meant for that, was it? You call emotion a sly? Ok. So did I, until I noticed the accusation was wrong. Totally wrong! You don't make decisions outta emotions. It's a colour that shows the beauty or expression of whatever decision you made. Emotion wasn't the sly... You we...

It's never really about the person; the father's tool, at least for you. It's more about the reason; why it happened, And what should become of you. Forget the hurt, remember the lessons, Retain the story, for you! It's not about the story, at least for the other person. It's about the lessons, and how much you can don the things you've learnt like a fitting wedding dress. Oh, like a light,shining so bright, that the other person want so much to know the source, with all their heart. It's neither about you both. Ultimately it's about the father. His will. His purpose. His purpose can never be deterred, with or without us. We can only choose to have a place in or advance his purpose or not. Ultimately, the father rules!

We are only safe in His hands I have heard so. Wait, have I? Have I really heard it if it didn't seize my heart? If it hasn't touched my core? If it doesn't inform my dispositions? Have I? Mayhap I haven't. More than likely. So now I want to hear. I'm tired of these limiting walls that disguises as a haven. The thought that I could do my calculations to the best of my knowledge and have my way. I can't be safe except I'm in His hands. Casting my fears and questions, My worries and doubts, My knowledge and foolishness, All for him. I want to be safe. Safe in His hands. Selah!